Autism never goes away...a reminder

I am most likely not saying anything new here to other parents with a child has autism. It can be soooooooooooo f-ing hard to have a child with Autism. Today's meltdown is one I haven't seen in a while. A reminder that it never goes away. With all the progress we have been making, I forget, Autism does not go away. Behaviors can improve, speech can improve, social skills can improve, but Autism never goes away.

My husband has been gone for 6 days for work, he comes home tonight. He works 80-100 hours a week, when he is home. Thank goodness for nannies that help me through the evenings.

this weekend has been especially trying. I give a very big bow to all single parents with a child with Autism!!!

Today's tantrum started like any other for a 5 year old boy. Boy asks for skittles for breakfast, mom says no, boys keeps asking/whining, you get the point. I gave him donuts, probably the same thing anyway. All day, it has been a day of the wills. He has won. I called a nanny of ours to PLEASE COME HELP ME, I had to leave. It's been a year or so since it got that bad, I can usually handle a lot. I am at work, on a Sunday.

the tantrums started escalating and becoming more frequent. and then there it was, hit us both like a ton of brinks. the meltdown. the kicking, screaming, biting, rage full and fearful eyes all at the same time, body flailing, throwing everything in sight, breaking things, red faced, pulling the curtains down meltdown. I tried every trick in the book that normally works for the Big Guy, but today, they went to no avail. I feel so helpless myself, watching your child be scared of himself because you see he can't stop, even if he wanted to.  The terror and fear I can see in his eyes is the most difficult part of it all. I left in the middle of it all, I don't know if that was right or wrong, but I could not do it anymore. The nanny that is there is great with him. After three hours of the full blown meltdown, I got a text from her that said it was over. I am dreading going home and having him pick up all that he threw and broke.

this was not the first, and it will most likely not be the last, meltdown. but this one is now over. I am so very grateful for that. autism never goes away.

I adore my son and have done everything in my power to help him since his first speech session at 16 months. I will continue to do everything I can to make him happy and progress. but it gets so hard, and it never goes away