Holding Your Breath.....

Today was Parent/Teacher Conference Day for Travis.

     I've been to these meetings more times than I can count. I have asked and been asked more questions than I have answers for.  What has happened now? Has he improved? What's the outcome going to be? Will he go to a regular school? Is he still throwing desks when he gets mad? How many services do you think we qualify for? What can I do? How do I help my son?
     Some therapists and teachers, I even have their email and personal cell phone numbers for the many times I have called in tears asking what the "f" do I do with this behavior (or lack of behavior)? Begging them for any magic potion, newest book, website, doctor, sticker chart, routine, a reinforcer that he responded to, trick, new therapy method, more therapy, anything to help my son. I would've walked to China, climbed the highest tree, brought him the magic leaf, said the alphabet backwards, on one foot, every other Tuesday, at midnight, eating frozen tofu if it would help Travis. If I could hear him say one word, any word. If they could help me keep him calm and bring some peace to my sweet son.
       I will never forget the first "progress"meeting. It was with his first speech therapist, Elizabeth. She was so sweet, the most gentle voice, and had a way with Travis I can only describe as angelic to watch. I could tell she wanted to tell me something and was searching for the sweetest coat of sugar to wrap around it. I went in the meeting so excited of news I knew I would hear, "He's doing amazing! It was just ear infections, his speech is going come soon." That was not the sentence I received. Travis was going to need more therapy than just once a week for thirty minutes. The goals she had set seemed so simple, of course he could do that by next week. Be able to label five things by pointing? Of course, he will do that!! He did not and could not. I realized we had a longer road than I had anticipated. The trip to Holland instead of Paris (Google it, great story).
     Meeting after meeting, quarter after quarter,  doctor appointments, therapist evaluations, psychological evaluations--I held my breath on what they would say and how I would handle it. I learned to cope better with the help of Prozac, no shame in needing help. If you had diabetes, you would taken insulin, wouldn't you? We started our journey on our Autism road that led us here; to this meeting, to this moment, about four years after the first one.
          Even now, this morning, I held my breath walking into the meeting. Exchanging hellos and normal niceties with Travis' teachers, I was still holding my breath for what they would say. Things have been going well since the beginning of the quarter, and I knew that walking in, but I still held my breath. Travis' teachers had very good things to say about Travis and his progress. He still has a ways to go in emotional regulation, among other things; but all in all, a great meeting. He is progressing well.
          Today is Travis' last day of swim lessons for the week. We start again on Monday. Today they will practice holding their breath and going under water more. Of course, Travis and I learning together, how to hold our breath, and when to exhale. These exhales for me are more than welcomed. I know they are for Travis too.  There have been many long inhales. From and for my Travis, we can both learn the best ways and times to hold your breath.